Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 8:32 pm Post subject: oh man
so i came around and regaled the BS that kept me down and unable to play or even be a nice person. i was bitter and angry at my counter productive family and the injustices they did to me being the petty and stupid tards they are.
sure in hindsight it may have been best if i didn't post that stuff but if i ever had a good family, it's BBA.
so i found a job after many years and my first mission was to get my car repaired then on down the path i have always started over since i was a teen... but wouldn't you know it i had to work beside someone i fell in love with.
so, needless to say i threw myself at her outside of work and even though Bruzzer said he liked my style, it would never work and it didn't but i did what i knew i had to do...
the fallowing is just how 'sappy' i am when i feel something for a hot woman when the feeling is not only in my pants... yes, i lost my job and she hates me
i met a stunning woman and i think i could have been her friend... i want to be her husband... but i humiliated myself. i fell in love with her and choked. i tried the only way i could, the only way i knew how and immediately felt stupid. watching someone go from being nice and smiling at me with eye contact to dismissive contempt hurt me somewhere i thought lost forever in my past, thought lost when i took the razor to my wrist. Even though it's nice to feel those butterflies when she was near me i wasn't able to be myself. All i could think about was where i should be in life, who i am and want to be but am always to busy to relax... always thinking. I have nothing to offer, nothing to impress with, nothing to win her over and i felt ill.. i still feel ill. You could say it's nice to 'feel alive'
I'm sorry if she thinks i don't care,
sorry she thinks i am a lier,
i'm sorry she heard my double speak trying to convince myself to not care
i'm sorry i'm not normal or ever was... or am i... normal is boring to me
i'm not sorry she is so desirable and has a vibe i feel,
i'm not sorry i told her the truth,
i'm not sorry i tried.
it's not bitter and angry, it's lovelorn...
i am sorry i broke down and developed panic attacks,
i am sorry i let down the team,
i am sorry.
You're an intense, vibrant, stunning woman CM and i wish it were me... you are my vision of a dream woman and i want to be the one on the beach with you... thanks for smiling... i made sure i will never forget it... and you in that sundress.. wow
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